Oh What to Wear

Apparently hippos aren’t supposed to run. I have been on a frenzied quest for running clothes that are comfortable and fit. And it turns out, the clothing manufacturers are passive-aggressively trying to tell me not to run. I guess my body is so disfigured and malformed, that there is nothing that can be done short of running in a big garbage bag. I guess I should have been more specific. I would like clothes that are comfortable, breathable, and make me go really really fast.


Some surprising facts I learned while shopping last night for clothes to wear for my marathon, which is in FOUR days (let’s leave the you shouldn’t buy new clothes the day before your marathon lecture for another time).

• I wear a small in soccer shorts and a medium in running shorts….hmmmm (soccer legs?)
• Clothes that look awesome and like they would fit on a rack probably would look awesome and fit…on a small child
• Runners are not supposed to have a chest
• I am somewhere between small, medium, and whale-like
• Why do they make everything fit so darn tight?? Are runners somehow miraculously in shape when they buy running clothes?  I thought the point was to buy running clothes to GET in shape. Okay, that wasn’t a fact more of a question
• I’m not entirely sure why runner shorts have to be so short that they just show off my tan line from my normal sized shorts. Hey, in case you already weren’t looking at my thighs….let’s draw more attention to them because they are WHITE
• This one might come as a surprise….shopping for running clothes is not a pleasant experience for me

In case you were wondering the outcome of these shopping trips. I now have a pair of shorts that I’m pretty sure are too small, and no shirt. So all in all, a success!

Update: It’s now 2 days before the marathon and I’m at the same level of progress. Maybe if I wear really long socks, no one will notice I’m not wearing a shirt.