Valentine’s Day. It’s like a swear word to me. Just brings a bad taste to my mouth. But why should I let years of crappy valentine’s day, horrible ex-boyfriends, and society putting pressure on people to express their feelings get in the way of a cheery blog? I clearly won’t. On this “V-Day”, I was given the great news at yet another doctor appointment that I need to have surgery, which I will be having in less than a week(No-not Crohn’s related and more to come on this). Thank you Saint Valentine!
|My reaction to anything Valentine's Day-y.|
Don’t worry men, if you’re feeling not so creative right now, don’t worry-I’ve written one for you to give to your special lady! You can select from the pull-down options exactly what your lady friend is like. But be sure to tell them that their uniqueness and one-of-a-kind being is waht inspired this poem and that no one else in the world could inspire these words but them. The important thing is that you spent the time to write it out and that it is very specific to your one significant other. And as they say, it’s the thought that counts (or as society has told you—it’s how much you spend on them).
A Valentine's Day Poem
Oh (fill in the name of your loved on here), you are so beautiful,
I love your (short/medium/long) hair, which shines so bright (red/blonde/brown/gray/ blue highlights),
your sun-kissed skin makes me want to scream,
scream to the world how much I (love you/really like you/like you/just met you but want to get some action on Valentine’s day).
No one knows me the way you know me,
I’ve never let anyone know me the way you know me,
no one knows me because I am so sexy mysterious.
I have opened up all my secrets to you though, because you are different. You are special. You are my favorite.
What? No, I’ve never told that to anyone before! I promise.
No baby, I wouldn’t lie to you. What? That one other time I lied? No, that wasn’t my fault. You didn’t ask me if she gave me her phone number, you only asked if I gave her my phone number. Well I didn’t even really get it… my friend took my phone from me and put it in there himself! What do you mean you don’t believe me??? That sounds totally plausible!! [right?]
Ok (insert name) let’s forget about that because, baby, I’m only into you [for now]
I got this one (rose/daffodil/lily/pink carnation) especially for you. Yes, it’s only one flower, but this flower symbolizes my (love/really like/like/lust) for you.
[If you don’t want it, please give it back to me so that I can give it to someone else, and it will be especially for them.]
I also got you this box of chocolates. I love that you’re not “one of those girls” who doesn’t eat. I really like that you haven’t caved in to peer pressure like those other girls to be so skinny. You are proud to be a woman with curves. Why are you leaving? Wait! Come back!
I ate a couple of the chocolates while I was waiting for you to get ready, but it’s not because I don’t think you’re worth waiting for or think my time is more important than you, it’s because these two chocolates I ate symbolize the first two (years/months/days) I’ve known you that are so good I just had to eat them up!
I wrote this poem for you (insert name) because on Valentine’s Day, it’s the day to really share something from the heart.
I love your laugh, I love your smile, I love the way you brush your teeth.
I love your brains, I love your sass,
I love your personality and your ….face.
Oh baby, this one is for you, don’t ever forget it, and I won’t ever forget you.
Want to makeout now?
Perfect example of how society makes us think “love” and “valentine’s day” are so great. My new addicting song of the moment!
Rhythm of Love
Yet, here is how life really is. It’s Crazy.
Jar of Hearts
And finally, the pictures you've been promised. The first ones are the cutesy ones that people think they should have, and then after are my reenactments of how life really is. Take your pick.
|I'm a goldfish and I'm so darn happy that I'm burping love bubbles!|
|Self-explanatory. FYI- I made those pebbles myself.|
But wait....there's more!!!
|Yay!!! HEARTS COMING OUT OF RAINBOWS! LOVE LOVE LOVE!|
|Here's what a rainbow really looks like; no photoshop here. I guess I am still stuck on the poop thing-should have put that in the Poop Challenge. Well it IS a Crohn's blog afterall. If you can't do a funny poop joke on here, where can you??|
As I wrote this, I thought about a million more things that make V-day horrible, but there just isn't time to put them all in. I will say one final thought. What is it with those people who sign everything xoxo. Why?
"I’ll call you after work and we can go to the grocery store!!! xoxo" "I have a geometry exam tomorrow. xoxo." "I went to the gym after work. xoxoxoxoxo"
First of all, why are you so excited to get groceries? Weird. Second, are you going to molest me at the grocery store? It's a common phrase. You're overdoing the xoxo and it's fake and freaking me out. So please, please stop this habit-your aggressive nature scares me and youI am seriously questioning your ability to understand social norms.
That is all I will say for now.