Hot Things #2

This wasn't originally meant to be a series, but it is becoming more and more evident that I cannot be around hot items.  Yesterday morning I burned myself while ironing again.  And not on a normal part you would expect to burn if you were ironing, say my left hand while I iron with my right hand.  No, I burned the lower part of my forearm on my ironing hand.  I honestly don't even know how....

I was going to take a picture of the burn, but I thought this would be more helpful and actually much more accurate.  You will also notice that I have updated my self-portrait from my brown curly fro to my now-sleek dark bob.  Yes, I like to keep you up to date on my changing looks.

It hurt immediately and I thought it was nothing and as I was hurrying to get to work, I did what most people are supposed to do when burned or otherwise hurt...I ignored it.

On my drive to work I noticed it was hurting more and kind of itching and I pulled down my shirt and saw a little blister.  Luckily it wasn't nearly as bad as when I tried to burn off my hand while performing the complicated task of making tea.

I have a theory that my left hand burn was a little lonely and wanted a burn scar to talk to.  I'm so glad I could be a part of this beautiful (and I have a feeling lifelong) friendship.

Okay here is a post!

I am not a machine people!!!  Although if I was, it would probably look something like this.

I have realized that apparently my vision of a robot is something like a regular gray person who sort of resembles the Tin Man.

So anyway, although I do sometimes dress like that (but with more black), the truth is I have just been so busy lately I haven't had time to put together some posts!  I don't think I have slept for the last two weeks, which is good!!  But bad....

Because here is what I would rather be doing.

I tried to draw in my dog Pugsy, but that was too much for me right now as my mind is weak from the lack of sleep.

Hopefully this will hold you over until tomorrow when I have nothing planned so I will be blasting out so much rambling and amazing drawings it will make your heart sing.

This is an accurate representation of what your heart will look like tomorrow.

Bis morgen.

Road Rage #1

Oh those crazy Wisco drivers.

As the #1 in the title should tip you off, this is going to be a series as I have a lot of issues to discuss related to driving.

Whenever someone says: “I’m a good driver.” it means they aren’t. This is pretty much a statistically proven fact. My authority and sample size for this fact is the countless times someone has told me they are a great driver…and then they are horrible.

So I never say I’m a good driver; I say I am a defensive driver, I am an assertive driver, but never a “good” driver. Because guess what? 98% of the people out there are bad drivers. Since so many people seem to lack basic driving skills and knowledge, or perhaps the common sense to carry that knowledge out, I have compiled a list of common mistakes people make and little tips to help them out. Feel free to pass this on to any “bad” drivers you may know as they might legitimately not know these, or have simply forgotten or gotten lazy. There is nothing like a friendly “here’s a list of stuff you suck at” email to brighten someone’s day. Is it brightening your day right now??

As a caveat, these are general rules and guidelines and by no means a replacement for the driver . This is more my personal “driving etiquette” and some of the things I say in here are completely illegal. So even though I say you can do them, I am not (as much as I probably should be) the enforcer of anything driving related. So if your goal was to print this out and keep it in your glove box and then hand it to a police officer when you get pulled over…well, good luck with that and don’t give them my name.

1.) Merging onto a Highway. When you merge onto a highway, you should be speeding up during this process so that you enter the highway at the same speed that traffic is going. If you need some help knowing about what speed that should be, they have these little signs on the side of the road that say SPEED LIMIT in bold/all caps letters. This is actually good advice no matter when you are driving. For those folks living in Wisconsin, the speed limit on the highway is generally 65mph, but you should probably read those signs anyway as this isn’t always a given.

This is what they look like; now you know. I guess knowledge is power.

If you are unaware why it is a good idea to be going the same speed of traffic, think of it this way. If a bunch of balls are going in a circular track really fast and then you put one really dumb slow moving ball made of lead in front of a fast ball….it’s going to get hit, OR that ball is going to have to swing around you because you are a moron and disrupting traffic and possibly hit another ball, or cause another ball to swerve, etc.

Bottom line, just speed up before you get onto the highway. Should you be uncomfortable merging onto a  highway or going that fast, DO NOT DRIVE ON THE HIGHWAY.



Here is an example of someone who shouldn't be driving on the highway.  As you can see, if you have a pink lei hanging form your mirror, beads, or any sort of item that is pink and fluffy...don't drive on the highway or someone will hit you (and that someone might be me).





 2.) Blinkers.  God created blinkers for you to use them. As much as you might think that flashing light is merely a pretty accessory to your car, or maybe something to amuse your drunk friend or child, it was actually engineered and put on your vehicle for a very specific and useful purpose. While you might know what you are planning to do, such as turning left in a block…as hard as this may be to believe, the blinker is designed to let other people know what you’re doing so they can be aware of this and plan accordingly. For example, if you’re going to be turning left, I might switch into the right lane so that I don’t have to sit there for 2 minutes waiting for you to get an opportunity to go left through oncoming traffic and then you get through at the last minute on the yellow and I get stuck at the red light and have an aneurysm.



If you are unsure where the blinker is located, please reference the above diagram.  And yes, this is official.

his actually leads me to my third point...

3.) Signs. Those signs in the city that say “No left turn from 8am-9am and 3pm-6pm”, well those are shockingly also put there for a reason. Traffic is really busy during that time and so if you try and turn left there….you’re probably going to end up in the middle of the intersection for the entire light and then go through when it’s yellow. That’s great for you but it creates a really long line behind you of traffic that is now getting in the way of other intersections. I understand that I am basing this on the premise that whoever holds up traffic at this hour actually can read, but if they can’t, I’m insulting them anyway and they will never know….because they sure can’t read this.



I'm in a bright color so that you can see me!



There is an exception to this rule. If there is no one around (including police officers), by all means............gun it. But I didn’t tell you that.

4.) The Fast Lane. There are a lot of rules and etiquette on what can happen in this elusive mysterious lane. Okay, it’s not really elusive or mysterious, but that sounded cool. I’m taking this down to basics because apparently people have difficulty with this. The left lane is the fast lane. Are you still following me? Great, let’s move on.

You know those signs that state “Slower Traffic Move to the Right”….well, read that, then read the above bolded and underlined sentence again. Now back to the traffic sign…now back to the above sentence. … are you getting this?

This is one of my all time top pet peeves (and yes, I have a lot of them), and this is probably because I like to go fast. Safe, but fast. Because no, I don’t want to waste my life sitting in my car in traffic. I want to go places, I want to do things. And watching your car drive really slow is not high on my list.

If you are going 2 miles per hour over the speed limit, that does not entitle you to be in the fast lane. This isn’t a subjective: “I’m going fast for me” standard. Look around you, does someone want to go faster than you? Move to the right. This also causes problems because people that want to drive faster than you have to switch to the right lane to pass you, which is more dangerous.

So do yourself a favor and stay in the right lane unless you’re passing someone (which you probably aren’t).

Look forward to more posts related to driving including such exciting topics as: Senior Citizens, Texting while driving, winter driving, parking, and many more.

Until then, safe driving.

Have you noticed I like drawing cars?

We've Gone International!!!

As many of you know, I am a fan of traveling and really respect and enjoy different cultures.  Well it turns out the world feels the same way about my blog of sarcastic ramblings.  My only interpretation of this is that they can't understand what I'm writing (as English is probably their second language and since many people for who English is their first language probably don't understand this...well, you get it).

Anyway, apparently my friend checked this blog in Egypt and made my Veterans Day Wallpaper (see below) the background on the computer where he checked it (which I believe was a dusty shanty close to Libya). That...really cracks me up.  My "art" is now international.  However, since then, the list of countries that have viewed this blog has exploded!  (Please note that before today the list consisted of....United States).'

As of right now:

United States 779

Belgium 10
South Africa 9
Canada 7
Sweden 6
Denmark 5
Egypt 5
Vietnam 5
Australia 4
Russia 4
France 2
Poland 2
Puerto Rico 2
Portugal 2

What the heck???  I have no idea! But way to go Belgium!  You're a very close second! I can only presume that, like me, they are drawn to bright and shiny objects like my drawings. Vielen dank, Merci, Shookrin, Thanks....and many more for your viewership!
 
 

Another update! For the first time ever, we broke triple digits in one day!!  I'm not sure what accidental search engine this is showing up on, but I apologize in advance to all of you unsuspecting viewers.  Having said that, you're welcome.

Reality Update

Update:

Since I have been in such a blah funk due to Crazy attempting to suck away my life force, I decided that we needed a good pick-me up! 

For all you Harry Potter fans, Crazy is equivalent to a Dementor, as seen above.  Dementors actually do suck the life force out of people.  And, interestingly,this picture is actually slightly more accurate than the last one of Crazy.

I am also still sick.  Thanks to my self-diagnosed hypochondria, I have narrowed the most realistic diagnosis to: whooping cough, chronic sinusitis, chronic upper respiratory infection, life-threatening pneumonia, all of the above, or....it's just taking a while for the antibiotics to work and get rid of this sinus infection/upper respiratory infection.

This is my immune system/sponge coughing. Do you love that I can do angles now?  Yeah...me too.

Regardless, I have decided I should start wearing those medical alert braces.  I blame my hypochondria on two things: 1) my mom, and 2) the internet.  I made the mistake of telling my parents that I wasn't feeling well this week (after being sick for a month), and I get hourly texts and emails because they naturally assume that if I haven't called them in 5 minutes that I am lying dead somewhere in a hospital.  This might be partly because as a kid I used to joke that I got into car accidents all the time to try to scare them into thinking the little things I did weren't that bad...this might have backfired.  Still, the good thing is I blame them, not me.

The internet is a horrible source of information.  Thanks so much Al Gore.  All I have to do is type in something like: "I have a cough, could I be dying?" or "serious deadly disease with sinus problems".... and the internet tells me that all my fears are justified!! The first article was called "Cough could be a sign of serious diseases".  Oh great, I have multiple serious diseases.  I knew it!!

I have now realized that this post is not really "fun" so instead of re-writing it...I'm just going to re-title it from the original title of "Friday Fun-Day" to Reality Update...as that is what this is.  It's real life.  And an update.  Was that as dramatic as it sounded when I pounded the keys?  Real life!!!!  Yeah, now it's real.

Okay, here's a little something to lighten it up at the end.

Bffs forever.

I have been saving this picture for when it was really needed.  In a dark dark time, this picture is the light at the end of the tunnel.  I mean it's a unicorn and a butterfly resting on it's freakin' nose.  This can only bring beauty, love, and innocence into this world.  If I am the unicorn, you are all my butterfly.  Wow...I can't believe I said that.  This is better than a hallmark card; I'm leaving it in.

Enjoy, my friends.

Veterans Day Wallpaper

Barely got this in...sorry, it has been busy and draining times dealing with the Crazy.

For your viewing pleasure, below is a Veterans Day themed wallpaper that will make your computer screen sigh with bliss.

Although I'm sure you can obviously tell what it is, I will tell you anyway.  That is a Veteran.  He is saluting.  I was going to draw clothes on him...but that was far too complicated for my artistic abilities.

You will notice the bald eagles.  They do look similar to my bats, but they are clearly bald eagles due to the white head.

Also, I put that nest thing in the tree.  After I did that, I knew I should no longer mess with perfection.  A true artist knows when to stop.

Enjoy.

I'm judging you right now

Have you ever preemptively disliked someone because you knew (or thought you knew) that they wouldn’t like you.  Or that they would judge you and think they’re better than you so you beat them to the punch? Ha! I didn’t like you first! So there!  I'm more judgmental than you.


No?

Yeah, me either.

Hello Egypt

My good friend is leaving for Amsterdam and Egypt today, and in case he dies, which he better not, I wanted to do something to say farewell and to say thanks as he has really helped me raise money for my fundraiser (insert shameless plug here: http://www.donate4nadia.com/).  (Hint: If you donate, maybe you'll get an awesome pic like this too!)

This picture that I drew of him in Egypt I feel will not only move everyone who sees it and will probably have the Egypt tourism department contacting me ASAP to do some promotional information for them, but will probably also serve as some sort of life-shield should he come into any danger.

Please note that I tried several times to draw a camel and it did not work. I have decided to compromise and attach a separate (yet still unsuccessful) picture of a camel...you can put them together in your head.

Also, these are clearly whatever type of birds that are native to Egypt (and no, I didn't take the time to look that up).

Safe travels and have fun!!

Keeping it cool-Cairo style!

'Cause camels are cool too!



It's a New Day



I'm going to make you sick!! Arrrgh! (I guess he's a pirate grim reeper)

 I would like to give you a short update to apologize for the lack of posts lately. I have been dealing with some physical problems, which basically involves feeling like death (but others may just call the flu), and some situational/emotional problems, which involves dealing with a crazy person (let's just call him "Crazy"). Unfortunately these issues are draining my energy which could be used in a much more productive way, i.e. writing rambling posts on here. The good news is that I have taken steps in both regards to get rid of both problems so hopefully it will be done for good. While I can’t guarantee I won’t get sick again as you are aware of my lack of an immune system, I can (and am) putting up some protective barriers to keep the Crazy out.  The good news is it is decided, so now I actually feel better and can move on.

Not an accurate representation, so if you see this person, please don't yell at him for being so horrible to me as this may not be him.

I apologize to my faithful readers and reaffirm my dedication to the greater cause that is this blog.

I feel that I should be even more dramatic than this, but I think you get the point.

If you need something to look forward to, you should know that I have started my Veterans Day (11/11/10) wallpaper, which I hope to have up early next week so that you can really get in the mood.

And maybe because we need it now more than ever, I will be sending you some happiness and love shortly.